Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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