so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
