He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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