chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
