the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
