Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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