Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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