sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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