That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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