I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he puts the penis in happiness.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
