We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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