If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
