I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
