i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
