I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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