Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
