SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
