i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
