my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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