It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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