I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
