Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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