bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
