Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
