Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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