after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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