Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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