we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
