i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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