I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
