hotel room ftw
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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