They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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