Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
