that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
