not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
