I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
