Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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