i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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