i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
