I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
