i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
