Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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