yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
