I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
