she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
