i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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