i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
