party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
