Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
