1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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