Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
