did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
